Episode 08: Leadership, Fatherhood & Family Life

Alex Kuhn

Business Leadership Coach

Website: https://alex-kuhn.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexkuhnco/

Alex Kuhn, the founder of Born to Lead, helps coaches & purpose-driven entrepreneurs become high-impact, high-income leaders. Over the past three years, 200+ clients have built 6 & 7 figure businesses, generating $30m through a unique process called SuccessDNA. Featured in Entrepreneur™, he regularly writes and speaks to 10k+ entrepreneurs weekly on the topics of aligned leadership, business flow, and resonance marketing. Having failed in his first three years as an entrepreneur, he finally discovered his own unique, innate leadership gifts that helped him start & sell two other company’s. He wants every big vision, heart-led entrepreneur to know they are not that far off. The key is to build a business that works beautifully and aligns exactly with who you were born to be…a one-of-a-kind leader.

 



Intro: 

Welcome to Balancing Holistic Mamas podcast . My name is Dr. Elyssa Wright , and I am so excited to be here with you today. I work with moms, babies, and mamas to be covering all types of topics to help make raising a family easier, whether it be fertility, pregnancy questions about pediatric fevers, or just trying to figure out how to live more holistically. We will cover that and more here on this podcast. I’m a chiropractor and functional medicine practitioner, and I’ve spent the past decade of my life dedicated to helping families live healthy, happy lives. So I can’t wait to get started.

Dr. Elyssa: 

Alright. Hi mamas . It is great to have you back this week for Balancing Holistic Mama’s podcast . I am Dr. Eyssa Wright , and this week we have a special guest with us, my friend and business owner and dad and, and man of many different avenues, Alex Kuhn. So welcome Alex.

Alex: 

Elyssa, I , you , you know how much I adore you and your husband . So love doing this podcast really excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 

I am so happy to have you. So we have spent the past few weeks really supporting mamas and you know, what comes up in my office a lot is how to support the partners and the other half at home. And, you know, you are a very busy man. You are the founder of the board and elite program, which is an international business and the dad of a 16 month old. And I know you’ve done a lot of other things in your life. Do you want to share with our listeners a little bit about your journey here and your journey to fatherhood and business owner, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 2: 

Sure. And, you know , I think coming from a dad’s perspective, but also a sons of fathers know even doing a lot of leadership coaching for parents, you know, I think this is, I’m really excited about this episode just because it is, you know, so many people that are probably listening to this and, you know, I think of moms, you know, that I I’ve been around so many strong women and some incredible moms. And I don’t think, I think that the title of mom and dad, it’s never just that it’s always a bunch of different titles underneath that category. So I’m really excited about this episode, but you know, my background I’ll keep it short and sweet, but you know, I I’ve been, you know, in the business world for about eight years, you know , I’ve been a father less than that time. So at 16 months has mentioned to you, but the , in , during this whole entire time of starting and selling two of my own businesses, three failed businesses going through my highs and lows of dating and not being with the right woman to ultimately meet the love of my life and to really have a partner that we are both supportive of each other’s goals and dreams and talking about it, not just every so often, but on a daily basis and being able to balance all that so that we are both going after our goals, we both have our dreams. We both have our lifestyles. We have this incredible son that we’re raising together and being able to do the things that we continue to work towards. I’m just feeling very fulfilled, blessed . I’m just really inspired at this moment. And I hope that a lot of the things I can talk about today can give some small insights into how maybe I’m doing it and AB hopefully it will translate into what you’re doing with your life.

Speaker 1: 

That sounds absolutely amazing. And one thing you already said that got my mind spinning is talking about goals within your relationship. And I think that’s something that can kind of get lost once you become a parent of what those goals are and what those focuses are. So if you don’t mind sharing some good tips of how do you have those conversations in a really positive and supportive way.

Speaker 2: 

Sure. And I always like to start that when I’m speaking, because I think this would be very helpful is that we talk about, you know, and not that my wife and I are talking about what the definition of goal is or what the definition of vision is. But, you know, typically when I’m thinking about this, you know, goals to me are those just simple metrics, those numbers, whether it’s, you want to lose weight, whether it’s you want to walk for 30 days, whether it’s, you want to hit a hundred thousand dollars in income or whatever those, those are goals, vision to me though, is really that story that you’re building throughout that journey. And one of the things I think it really has helped my wife and I, when it comes to really actually not only working towards our goals is really creating a shared vision of where we want our life to go, not a vision that is just has an end stop , not a vision that just says, okay, it’s going to end right here. But what is the vision in the store that we’re building as a family, as a , as a partnership, as a father, as a mother, as a business owner and, you know, she works, you know, so a lot of that is about this idea of what does that vision look like. And I think as a result, instead of thinking that these is very hard set goals, but I think the thing that my wife and I do really well and don’t be wrong, we have our , I mean, I don’t want to sit here and say , Oh, it’s, you know , perfect bliss here. That’s just BS. Right? There’s no right. So , no, I don’t want to say , you can say, of course, you know, when we have these visions are different, but you know, we talk through it on a daily basis and what that vision looks like. And I think that’s the beautiful part of how our relationship works, that instead of it just being like, this is how we’re going to be, and this is how we’re going to do it. And this is your role. And this is my rule that we’re constantly evolving. And we had that opportunity to have that, I guess, challenged during the coronavirus period where, you know, she had worked , I had a business around and really coming up with unique and creative to work together so that we could still go towards that vision. And I think that as the end of the day is just being really open to the idea that you can have some goals for yourself and I believe partnerships need to support those, but that vision needs to be talked about together. And I think the more you talk about it , I think the more that you’ll find harmony with each other.

Speaker 1: 

Absolutely. I think that is a great thing is to remember it’s not just in the moment, but it’s about a life together building a family together and what further down the road.

Speaker 2: 

Yeah, absolutely. I couldn’t agree more.

Speaker 1: 

So I, uh, I know we were chatting before I turn this guy on about, you know, I think some of my listeners, like why are you bringing a business leadership coach on to talk about family stuff? And a lot of I’ve been a business owner for about a decade you’ve been businesses for, I believe longer, longer than that. Um, memory serves me right for your first business. I think you were six.

Speaker 2: 

I was six years old, the big cucumber empire there. And, you know, cucumbers did not take off back in 1990 or 1988 that I thought they were going to. But you know, I’ve, I’ve gotten over that sad, you know, end of that business and moved on to some different ventures. Yes.

Speaker 1: 

Being of the business mindset. It is a lot, I mean, it is a lot like relationships. It’s a lot about supporting others and lifting others up. And what do you find when it comes from what you do with working leadership wise of how you have been able to implement it with family life?

Speaker 2: 

Well, that’s a , you’re kind of hitting something that’s really, I’m a , I’m a geek about when it comes to the conversation of leadership and you, and you know me well enough to know that I just, I geek about leadership and culture so much and probably to a nauseated level, because I think it is actually one of those areas that it does. It’s not just business, right? It is holistic in all of our lives. You know, leadership traits, leadership, characteristics, leadership growth does evolve, not just into a one secular if you’re a great business leader, typically I find is if you can use some of those same principles to apply it to your family life , to apply it to how you’re raising your kids, to apply it to your own, maybe it’s your athletic or your own fitness goals. The thing I always find it , and this is something that I’ve actually never shared this on a podcast, but you know, a lot of the conversations I have, or , you know , I have obviously these group programs and, you know, people, we have to create this culture and this environment that, you know, people in front of hundreds of people, maybe that are stranger to them, have the comfortable, the trust to be able to open up and to be able to vulnerable. And in my private conversation , you know, people think that, you know , when I’m working with these business leaders, that a hundred percent of the conversation must be around business tactics, strategies, et cetera. And the truth is, is that I would say probably 50% of that is about relationships and not even with their employees or with their staff, but relationships at home relationships with their spouses relationships, with their kids. This, the idea of leadership to me is, goes beyond that. And there was a couple of things I think that are very important when it comes to leadership. And I won’t go into really all of it in details. I promise I will not geek out on your audience, but you’ve heard me talk about vision. And again, just the idea of that, the people that are involved, whether it’s in your family or whether it’s in your business or whether it’s with your kids, right. This, isn’t just a, a dictatorship where one person is establishing the rules and the grounds and the boundaries, et cetera. But it’s a conversation. You know, the second thing I talked to a lot of leaders about is the tribe and really what does that tribe stand for? And each one of our families is the beautiful thing about what we do when we actually, whether you would pick a partner and we have kids as we get to create the identity of what our family is all about and where we want to go and what we believe are the right things and the wrong things that kind of become your own set of values. The beautiful thing is, is that when you actually start to kind of put some of those things down on paper and thinking about what is our family unit all about, what do we want to represent to ourselves, regardless of what the world thinks of us, then you start to find that the actions you take, you start to question if they aren’t aligned with the values that you want to represent, not just a, okay, this is what I’m going to do today and lacking, you know, forward intention, but really true with saying, this is how I want to represent my family. This is how I want to represent myself, because I know it doesn’t just speak to me. It speaks to my partner , speaks about my kids, et cetera . And then finally, the third thing I talk about is philosophy, and this is a little more business, but, you know, kind of taking it onto the personal level and you know, this Alyssa that it’s not like my wife ever would ever use these terms, but my wife and I, as you know, we really are, you know, to some extent we both would call each other stubborn. At times we have very strong, this is the right way, and this is the wrong way. And there are definitely times that, you know, we just, we lock horns and it’s like, it’s a tug of war. Like I think that those Rams that are circling each other with their horns toggled together. But, you know, I think one of the beautiful things is a philosophy is that if you continue to have those conversations together and break them down and really go deeper and deeper into the why for that person and into the more importantly, the why for yourself, I think what you’ll find is adaptability and compatibility and compromise. And to me, that’s what makes cultures beautiful cultures that beautifully work, whether it’s businesses or families or sports teams, you know, at the end of the day, that’s not because they stayed the same or stagnant. They actually evolved because the people are having continuous conversations, but they’re grounded in that vision. They’re grounded in that tribe and they’re grounded in those philosophies. So that’s, to me what really leadership is, you know, from a pure high level perspective and how important it is for you and families to have these discussions.

Speaker 1: 

Yep . Absolutely. And I think sometimes leadership can get lost in a word in the world of one person is the leader and everyone else falls in line. I think within the corporate structure that can happen. And there’s fear with family life talking about leadership because does that put one person above another or , you know, and I think it’s great having the conversations about locking horns and having disagreements because leaderships , especially within a family structure, it’s more of that team leadership and it’s not a one person taken over for the other.

Speaker 2: 

Yeah. I mean, a common phrase I think has come , is coming out more and more as servant leadership. You know, the idea that in order to leave, we have to be of service to the mission, to the vision, to where we’re going. You know , every parent knows this and I know it’s going to be happening in a couple of years, but yes, you know , parents are quote unquote, you know, running the ship. But the reality is, is the kids are actually really dictating where the ship is going. I mean, how many parents do I talk to now that have eight, nine or 10 year olds? And maybe not even with the coronavirus, but they’re like, I’m going to baseball games and I’m going to football games this week. I’m going to this event. Oh, my kid has this. Okay. I’ve got to schedule around this. You know, I think that parents are doing this because they really want to provide this incredible life for their kids. And so, yeah, they are coated the leader, but they’re really doing it to the service because they really want to get, provide their sons and daughters really the best experience they possibly can and all the experiences that they possibly can not even think about my upbringing. I don’t think my parents, when they were taking us to these like motivational conferences when they were Amway, we’re thinking themselves. Hmm. I bet Alex is going to someday be a motivational speaker. That’s something Alex is going to be doing those things on stage. I don’t think they did it. But I think that they realized that, you know, bringing the kids into those experiences was so crucial to the evolution of not just the parent, you know, helping the kids grow up, but more actually helping those kids become leaders themselves.

Speaker 1: 

So, and it’s funny when you were saying that the kid is leading the ship because I am good friends with your wife and know that even the toddlers leave the ship, I mean, the newborns leave the ship with their sleep schedule and their eating schedule and that own version of chaos. And then the toddlers leave the ship with the, the only thing we’re eating is fruit and cheese. And I don’t know what else to do. So it’s, it comes down to, there are many different leaders within a family structure. And I think remembering the vision and staying focused there, hopefully can make some of those swaps of who’s in charge, a little easier to , uh, to manage

Speaker 2: 

Handle. And it, yeah , because at the end of the day, I mean , obviously I know, you know, my wife really well and you know, I, and I say this because, and she’ll, she’ll probably, if she , when she hears this , she’s gonna laugh. Right. But, you know , I I’ve always wanted a strong woman. I wanted somebody who was had passion and ambition and drive and really knew herself. And my wife, you know, when I say that she probably would laugh and say, I don’t know if you like that. Sometimes Alex, I’m not sure if that’s your favorite thing about me. And of course, because I was strong, you know, I’ve got a , I’m an ambitious man and myself, so sometimes our ambitions collide, but even beyond that, it’s the thing that I’ve noticed that worked well for us is that, yeah. I mean, the arguments can be tough and sometimes you come out of them exhausted, but I do believe that, you know, there’s always this, we just come back and that’s what, that’s what at the end of the day, I think those visions and those philosophies and those tribes , and what leadership is about is that you’re not, nobody’s expecting this beautiful straight line curve to the top. You know, people are expecting the ups and downs and the good and the bad times and the struggles. And sometimes it’s, it’s internally created. And sometimes it’s externally created. I don’t think anybody expected coronavirus to do what is doing that many families and gratefully for us, you know, we’ve been able to weather much of that storm and actually continue to thrive in these situations. But , but I’m looking at some of my friends who may not be doing well, I may have lost jobs or may have lost their income or, you know , have lost their, you know, feel like they’ve lost their way or they’re extroverts. And they’re stuck in the house. And the beautiful things I’ve seen in some of the families that I know the moms and dads and the husbands and wives is they they’ve worked together. And I think at the end of the day, if there is this idea that we’re just going to always continue to work together, I think that really is always going to set a foundation for growth and really positive movement forward .

Speaker 1: 

So with the working together and the , um, locking horns and the, the back and forth that happens within relationships across the board. I mean, I think all of these ideas can also go within a workplace situation and a family situation. What’s that one thing that you recommend to your clients when they, when they’re in that situation where you might have lost sight of the vision and you get a little tripped up on the next move to get back online and kind of get out.

Speaker 2: 

Yeah. The one thing that I find, and it’s going to be different for everybody, but I do think you have to have a trouble shoot mechanism. And that’s my words, you know, just something

Speaker 1: 

Exactly what I’m talking about is how do you get out?

Speaker 2: 

Yes. Like it’s like, okay, like what , and I think that’s just something you have to discuss because listen to me, and I’m saying I’m a very emotional man. And I say this because sometimes as an emotional person, it’s easy to lose control. It’s easy to let the emotions of the situation boil over and not allow the rationality not let have that conversation that could be constructive move forward. And I know my wife would say the same thing. Sometimes he’ll emotion boils over on her side as well. So I think it’s really actually kind of setting up what that troubleshoot foundation is. And I’ll be honest, sometimes Amanda and I, you know, we’ve set times where it’s like, we need a five minute time outs , you know, go take a break, go walk to cells . We’ve set the rules of saying, listen, if it’s not going to matter in five years, then we’re not going to give it five minutes. But I think the beauty of it is that sometimes, you know, sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. I think the thing that I feel like we always come back to time and time again, that my wife and I come back to and the same thing with my team, same thing with, I was just talking to a company that’s doing about 2 billion a year in annual revenue. And we kind of continue to come back to the word. I’m sorry. And explain what you’re sorry for, and not given a reason as to why you did it in the first place and not give a rationality, but just really saying, this was my mistake. And I am really sorry. I should not have done that. And leaving it point blank. The , every time that I’ve seen my wife and I, when you get in an argument, you know, come back and just have an I’m sorry, a hug, and really just truly feeling the other person, putting that olive branch out there. And the other person accepting it is by far has been the greatest, I guess, quote, unquote tool or tip that has worked for us as working for my clients as, you know, whatever area of leadership there as my kid grows up. I know that sometimes there’s parents, you know, we want to be the strong ones. We want to be the open ones. But when I think about, you know, my, my, I was very blessed and fortunate and you know, my parents, how, you know , compassionate and loving and open they are. And I can just continuously remember times where my parents would apologize, you know, not like all the time, but when they felt like maybe they reacted too harshly, or maybe when they, you know , did something they really weren’t supposed to do. I mean, they forgot to pick me up, I think like four or five times when I was there. So instead of saying, why didn’t you call me or getting upset at me? They just said, I’m sorry. And I don’t , as a kid, I remember feeling I wasn’t annoyed that I wasn’t upset about it. Um , it was just really understanding that, Hey, my parents can make mistakes, which allows me to make mistakes as well.

Speaker 1: 

Yeah. I love that. I think a lot of the times we live in such a defensive society that it’s so great to remember that it’s okay to have the bad days and the bad moments and not be right. And I think that’s a great reminder, the power of I’m sorry, and also just the power of stopping and going, Hey, we need a breath and that’s okay, too

Speaker 2: 

Great. I think, especially, yeah, I look at the like, you know, and obviously, you know, you don’t want to get to those moments. Right. And I think of the pieces, you know, obviously you don’t, you don’t want to get to the point where you’re in those emotional modes and stuff. And you know, this is something that I, on the shared fear, I just actually wrote about the other day on Instagram. That’s , you know , about, I guess five years ago, five years ago, I just had sold my, my second business or first business. And I was figuring out what I wanted to do next. But I remember, I instinctly remember, like sitting down and thinking about what do I want it to go? Where do I want to go with my life? And I questioned this idea of man, like if I get married and if I have kids, like I’m going to have to give up my dream, I’m going to have to give up my goal. I’m going to give up, having to have to give up my place in this life. And I think sometimes that’s, especially as moms as dads go, there is this, there’s no question. There’s this emotional desire to give everything of yourself to your kids. It’s just natural. Like I , when my wife and I were watching Hamilton and hopefully this isn’t a spoiler alert, but Alexander Hamilton son dies in it. And I just started balling in this, watching this seed. And I’m like, okay, I can’t watch this anymore. I’m done. I’m just over it. Right. Five years ago that, I mean, it just, would’ve been a great movie. I would have moved on with it, like, Oh, that’s sad. But, so I think there is this, this balance and making sure, especially as the husband wife partnership, that you really are listening to what the other person wants for themselves, not just what they want for the family unit. And I give so much credit to my wife for that, you know, every Sunday and without fail, she always asked me, what do I want to accomplish this week? And I’ll ask her the same thing, because even as parents and yes, our kids are no question, our highest priorities. That doesn’t mean we have to give up our own goals. It doesn’t mean we have to give up our own dreams. And I believe you actually, and I found that scene and now having a kid and now having a wife and being married and having more going on than ever, I’ve actually been able to , because of those conversations to feel even more validation and conviction to do what I want to go where I want, but also to figure out how I can do it in less time, which actually has allowed me to be more efficient. It has allowed me to be better and has allowed me to build a much more rewarding life as a result. So I think having those conversations, not just like, what do we need to do as a family? What do we need to get done this week? What do we need to do for the kids? But having really just a little conversation , like, what do you want for yourself this week? I think that’s , that’s sometimes lost time and time again. And it’s the same thing here with my clients.

Speaker 1: 

Yeah. I think that’s a beautiful thing to remember of, you still have your personal dreams, you still have your personal goals and then you have your family unit dreams and goals, and then you have your, what you’re doing for your children. Like there’s so many different layers. And to remember those different pieces can really help to make some of these forward progress in communication and easier.

Speaker 2: 

Yeah. A hundred percent. I, and I think that’s a , you know , one of my good friends, we were just having a conversation the other day about this and, you know, he’s, he’s single, he doesn’t have kids or anything, but, you know, even just having a conversation with him about, you know, where his life wants to go. And , uh , and the same thing is this , the same thing is this, like, there’s sometimes this fear that, you know, for all of us, right. And then once we maybe do have families, or before we have families, we feel like when we bring more love and sometimes joy, we have to look at those real emotional base pieces. Like, do we feel some scarcity? Do we feel this idea that maybe we have to let go of who we are to bring in new people in my life? And I think that is, you know, for obviously moms, you know, I , I, I sent this him a lot of moms and I just have so much compassion for moms for this reason that I think moms are the first, always the first person to feel like they’re willing to give up everything for their Kansas. They’re the first to give up everything about themselves. And I’m saying this from a, a , a man’s perspective from a husband’s perspective, from a father’s perspective that I believe that majority, if not all of husbands don’t want moms, their spouses to do that, they really want their spouses to continue to have their own life, to continue to have their own dreams, because we know that for us, it’s it, it gives us, you know, that energy to do the stuff that we want to do. And we know it’s the same. So I think that’s the, you know, my , my husband perspective is, and maybe even when the , my wife has listened to this later , and maybe she doesn’t feel like that, I I’m going to , I’m just going to send her this podcast to be say , like, I want you to have your own goals. I want you to have your own dreams. I want to figure out a way for you to have the time necessary to pursue them.

Speaker 1: 

Yep . Great. Well, Alex, this was really inspiring and I think really brings up a lot of things that might get lost that we forget about within our relationships, remembering that why remembering that vision and remembering that it’s okay to have ups and downs and roller coaster and finding those stop points to really listen to your significant other support boost and figure out what community leadership within a family unit could really look like.

Speaker 2: 

Yeah, I, yeah, this has been a fun, this has really been fun, Alyssa , and I know the , the work that you’re doing with everybody and , and you embody this in the work that you do with your patients and the work that you do with your clients. So it’s a lot of the things that are the conversations I know you and I have even had, you know, behind the scenes, you know, these are the similar things. So I’m just glad we had a chance to talk about it and hopefully bring some it for some people. Maybe it’s just a sliver of hope . Maybe somebody it’s a tip, maybe for somebody else. It’s just a new way of thinking about it. But I really hope that for everybody’s listening that, you know, this is , it’s a great in what you’re doing here.

Speaker 1: 

Great. Well, thank you. And if any of our listeners want to reach out and get in contact with you, how would they do that?

Speaker 2: 

Sure. I , you know, the two simple ways is, you know, if you’re on social media, I know everyone loves to say they’re everywhere, but , um, thankfully I have a team that allows me to really interact with people on Instagram. So you can find me there if you just type in Alex, Coon . I think I’m , by the way, my last name is spelled K UHN. I know that’s always a question I get, but if you just type that into the search bar and Instagram, I’m usually the first one come up, but my username is Alex Koons CEO. Um , or you can go to my website@alexdash.com and please just message me happy to speak to anyone and everyone.

Speaker 1: 

Great. And we’ll put all that information and show notes. So that way it’s quick and easy for our listeners to find, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to chat with me. And I’m really excited to see what our listeners have to say. So thanks so much everybody. And until next time Mama’s for joining us today, I hope that you are gaining some valuable tips to help live a more balanced life for you and your family. If you like what you heard, please leave us a review on iTunes and share it with your friends. You can visit us@balancingmamas.com to submit any speaker recommendations or topic recommendations and stay up to date until next time. Bye

 

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